


Loyalty Over Royalty

by prototyping



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: F/M, Gift Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Luke's depression deserves its own tag tbh, Spoilers, awkward kind of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 21:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17149079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prototyping/pseuds/prototyping
Summary: Facing exile from their homeland, Luke and Natalia reflect on both the past and the future, the good and the bad.[Luke/Natalia. My gift fic for the Tales Secret Santa 2018 on tumblr!]





	Loyalty Over Royalty

The night seemed darker than usual. The cool breeze felt heavy on his shoulders, the clear air thick to the point of stifling.

If there was ever a time when Luke definitely needed to sleep, it was now. A lot had happened in the last day, and if Jade’s serious tone was to be trusted (that was probably the _only_ thing about him that Luke trusted), a lot would happen in the morning, too. They all needed to be well-rested and ready for anything, whether it was another flight from danger or putting their heads together to decide on what to do next.

And yet here Luke was, minutes after midnight, wandering the streets of Belkend in an absent daze.

He knew sleep wouldn’t come easy, tired or not. There had been too much information to absorb in too little time; he’d still been reeling from the events in Baticul when Van said his piece and revealed his hand, and even then time hadn’t slowed down to let it sink in. Now they were all waiting, depending on Jade and his interpretation of that forbidden text, which would surely send them off in another direction as soon as possible.

Luke was glad for it, in a way. Keeping busy, always shifting goals, prevented him from dwelling on the darker side of his thoughts for too long. But at the same time he knew he was making excuses, running from a past and present that would catch up with him sooner or later.

Pretty pathetic, he figured, but he’d come to expect as much from himself.

That was probably the guilt-turned-pessimism speaking, but the voice was hard to ignore much of the time, not least of all after his former master’s harsh words. Luke knew they shouldn’t have bothered him, not after everything that had happened, but a betrayal that sharp and deep wasn’t something he could just _get over_. Not anytime soon. Perhaps that was indicative of weakness, but by now he knew there were worse things to be.

He was still feeling restless and antsy when he circled back towards the inn, but he settled on turning in regardless. The longer he stayed out, the greater the chance that Guy or someone else would notice. While Luke appreciated their concern—usually—and knew they meant well, there were some things he didn’t feel like discussing. The sting of being rejected, twice—not just by Van, but by family—still throbbed. He hadn’t realized how much until he was alone with his thoughts.

The street in front of the inn had been deserted when he left, but not so now. He almost walked right past her, but that head of golden hair was hard to miss even in the dark.

“Natalia?”

She also appeared to have been lost in thought: at his voice her head snapped up, her solemn expression breaking into one of surprise. She was seated on the staircase of the neighboring building, hands clasped loosely in her lap.

“Luke? What are you doing up at this hour?”

There was the old urge to deliver a defensive response— _Me? What about you?_ —but Luke bit it back in favor of a gentler answer. “Just going for a walk. I needed to clear my head.” He glanced left and right down the street, but she was definitely alone. “Is… everything okay?”

She hesitated before replying, which was unlike her, as was the way her gaze dropped back to the ground. “...Yes. I suppose I needed to clear my head, as well.”

That was hardly a surprise. As much as he’d been hurt by his abrupt exile, he couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. He lingered awkwardly in place for a moment as he tried to decide what to say. “Do you, uh… want some company?” He was in no rush to lie in bed awake for another couple hours.

Another uncharacteristic pause. Then, quietly, “Yes, if you don’t mind.”

Natalia wasn’t acting like her usual independent or even haughty self. That worried him more than anything.

Luke sat down on her right, comfortably close but without touching. He had the feeling he should wait for her to say something first, so he stayed silent. A minute later his patience paid off.

“Luke… I don’t believe I’ve given you much credit up until now.” Her eyes remained on her knees, where her fingers began to rub absent circles. “Or, rather… I don’t think I really understood you properly before.”

“Huh?”

Her small sigh was nearly inaudible. “How did you… cope? When you learned the truth of who you were?” She turned to him, her normally bright eyes dark with distress and uncertainty. “How did you not break beneath such a weight?”

_I did._

He was _still_ broken.

Luke didn’t say that. He didn’t say anything for a few long beats.

He didn’t mind talking about it now, thanks largely to Tear’s bluntness, but Natalia wasn’t Tear. Natalia was bending under a similar weight, if not the exact same one, and he knew firsthand how vulnerable that position felt. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

“It… wasn’t easy,” he admitted finally. “But I had people who told me what I needed to hear. And who listened. I still do,” he added with a small shrug.

“I see.” It was hard to read that tone of hers, or the stare she had fixed him with. Luke was the first to look away, but even then she didn’t relent. “...Luke, I apologize.”

That was the last thing he expected. “What? Why?”

“I believe I was too harsh towards you when—after what happened,” she said solemnly. “At Akzeriuth.”

“...No. I understand why everyone reacted the way they did. I deserved—”

“You were going through something none of us could even begin to understand.” Despite her firm objection, he thought her voice wavered once or twice. “At the very least, I… If anyone had an obligation to try and understand you at the time, it was I. And I failed in that regard.” Her eyes lowered, the firm line of her mouth softening. “You needn’t forgive me. But I apologize all the same.”

He wasn’t quite sure how the conversation had circled around to this—not when _she_ was the one hurting the most right now, the one most in need of comfort—so for a moment Luke only stared at her. After a few seconds, he slowly shook his head.

“It’s okay, Natalia. I haven’t exactly been… I’ve screwed up a lot more than you have. Not just the big mistakes, but… I’ve known you longer than anyone, and you’re right—there’s kind of an obligation there, on my end, too. And I’m the idiot who’s just now realizing that.” He cracked an easy smile as she looked at him again. “I’m starting to think this journey’s all about screwing things up and learning from them. Or… maybe that’s life, I don’t know.” He was rambling now. He sucked in a breath and finished, “But, yeah, don’t… worry about it, really. I’m just... glad you came back, you know?”

For the first time, Natalia smiled. It was small, brief, and still a little sad, but it seemed genuine. It was something. “Yes. We agree on that.”

The silence that followed wasn’t quite a content one. Despite her straight posture, Natalia still looked grim, and Luke debated what to say. Sympathy or no, broaching such a solemn topic was easier said than done.

“How about you?” he asked finally. “How are you… holding up?”

“I am alright. I know dwelling on the matter won’t change anything, so… it is best that I focus on the matters at hand.”

“Maybe… But that doesn’t mean you should push yourself, you know? Especially since it’s you. I know how you are.” Luke was half-banking on her getting huffy over that remark, but she only hummed quietly.

“Yes... I know.” Her hands fell from her lap to brace against the stair on which she sat. Her shoulders tightened a little, her gaze still fixed on some point in the distance. “...What would you do if we couldn’t return?” she wondered. “If… we were forever exiled from our kingdom?”

As much as Luke didn’t want to entertain that kind of grim possibility, he could tell she was asking the question in earnest. After a moment he replied, “It wouldn’t change what we need to do. I’d keep going. But, Natalia, I’m sure Uncle will—”

“No,” she interrupted gently, “I meant… If we did continue, and we stopped Van, and Mohs, and the hostilities between the countries were put to an end… What would you do then?” She turned towards him partly, her eyes not quite landing on him. “Once everything was finished?”

He couldn’t tell whether the question was purely rhetorical or she was looking for honest suggestions. Luke frowned, hating that she was so far into this way of thinking, but maybe having those thoughts bounced off of him was all he was good for right now.

“Well…” Leaning back on his hands, he stared up at the clear night sky. “Guy had a point: the world’s a lot bigger than Kimlasca. And I still have a lot to make up for. So, I guess… I’d just go where I needed to.”

For some reason that prompted another small smile out of her. “I think that’s a good answer.”

“What about you?”

The look faded. “I do not know,” she murmured. “And honestly, that… scares me, as silly as it sounds. I have always known my place, where I belong and what I want to do. Now…” Now, she’d been stripped of both.

In a way, maybe she was worse off than Luke had been. He’d lost his sense of self and everything he thought he knew about his life, but his world had been so small compared to hers, always pointing inward. Even though they were both raised as royalty, both schooled the same way and sheltered for all their lives, Natalia had made the most of her position and circumstances. Luke had squandered and taken advantage of them, content with his ignorance and his own self-satisfaction.

Luke had lost his identity. Natalia had lost that, and something more: she’d lost her purpose.

Suddenly he was stricken by the thought of just how unfair that was. In his mind’s eye he’d brought much of his misfortune on himself—and others—through a number of selfish mistakes, but Natalia had always been looking forward and outward, always helping others. She didn’t deserve to have her life turned over like this, all on a politician’s whim. Not even close.

“Then it’s easy,” he heard himself say. “If it comes to that, we’ll just run away together.”

That received the liveliest reaction out of her so far: Natalia instantly turned towards him, staring hard and unable to hide her confusion. “What?”

He shrugged again with a crooked smile. “It isn’t that weird, is it? Former royalty might as well stick together.”

It was hard to tell in the dark, but he thought her face might have colored a little as she turned away again, chuckling under her breath. “For a moment I thought you spoke of eloping.”

He gave a laugh that came out a little sharper than intended, purely out of habit. “ _Former_ royalty,” he reminded her. “You wouldn’t have to marry me then. Or anyone, if you didn’t want to.”

“Perhaps. But did you not just say, ‘former royalty might as well stick together?’ ”

It was Luke’s turn to stare, particularly when she didn’t comment further. What did _that_ mean? He would have thought that getting out of marrying him would be a relief on her end. Asch was the one she was truly betrothed to, after all, so…

“Well,” she went on after a moment, “I would not mind.” Before that could stun him for too long, she clarified, “Running away together does sound like a viable plan, if it comes to that.”

Oh, right. That was what she meant.

“I’m sure it won’t,” he said as he leaned forward again, arms on his knees. “We’ve got a lot to deal with right now, but… we’ll make time to set things right at home, sooner or later. I promise.”

Natalia shifted her weight slightly. “This is different,” she mused, a shade of humor in her tone.

“What is?”

“You… looking after me so.” She tilted her head as she glanced at him. Her smile looked more cheerful. “It’s nice.”

Luke looked away, scratching the back of his head absently. “It’s not really a big deal anymore, is it?” Everyone else seemed to be over the shock of him trying to be a decent person now.

She chuckled again. “I think it is. But in a good way. I… like seeing this side of you,” she admitted in a lower voice.

“I thought you didn’t like people fussing over you.”

She shook her head, blonde curls bouncing. “This is caring, not fussing.”

Perhaps she had him there. It was just a shame, Luke figured, that it had taken so long and such a drastic change in his life for him to show and act on that side. Natalia still annoyed him from time to time; she could still be bossy, overbearing, demanding, and meddlesome. The difference now was that he recognized those qualities for what they were.

Guilt came to him easily these days. Sometimes it was over the bigger things, like Akzeriuth, and at others it was over smaller, almost inconsequential matters in comparison. Natalia wasn’t unimportant, not by any stretch of the imagination, but the sudden, sickening weight in his chest was heavier than it probably should have been right then. He knew she didn’t hold his past behavior against him, at least not outwardly, but he still felt a renewed sense of shame as his mind shuffled involuntarily through a few memories in particular.

Luke had spent so much of his past complaining about her that he often overlooked their relationship, even forgot about it sometimes, if just because it was such a natural, everyday part of his life—and he had never stopped to think about what it really meant, either.

“Well… you deserve to be cared about,” he told her, staring down at his hands. “It probably doesn’t mean a lot, coming from me, but… if you ever want to talk, I don’t mind. Like this, I mean. Or, not like this, if you don’t want.” He huffed at himself and ruffled his hair in annoyance. “I mean—if you ever _want_ to talk about important things, I’ll listen. But it doesn’t just have to be important things, either. I’m—I just—I’m here, you know? We don’t… have to run away together for me to…”

To at least _try_ to act like the fiancé he was supposed to be.

Before he could decide on whether or not to finish that thought, Natalia surprised him by setting her hand atop his. He looked over in surprise and found her smiling warmly—an expression he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Of course it means a lot,” she said softly. “It means the world to me, coming from you.”

Only Natalia could say something like that with such a straight, earnest face, Luke thought. He didn’t think it too overly sentimental or particularly sappy, but he felt some heat in his face all the same. As modest as he oftentimes tried to be now, he couldn’t always do so with grace.

There wasn’t much to be said after that; Luke, at least, could think of nothing else, and Natalia seemed more at ease in the silence now. Her hand stayed all the while, but he didn’t mind.

“It must be rather late by now,” she said at last. “I apologize for keeping you up like this.”

“Nah, I haven’t really been tired, anyway. Too much to think about.”

“Indeed.” She stood up and took a couple steps, and then turned to face him with the kind of smile he was used to seeing on her—the kind he didn’t distrust. “Might I ask you one last favor?”

“Uh…”

Her hands settled on her hips. There it was. “It’s nothing terribly inconvenient,” she assured him, just on the edge of a sigh. “If you are truly heading back, as well, I would like it if you walked me to my room.”

That was oddly… odd. Why wouldn’t she assume they would walk their way back together, anyway? Especially since their rooms were opposite one another. Then again, odd requests from Natalia weren’t exactly new, so Luke just climbed to his feet. “Uh, sure? But wh—” He blinked as she stepped up beside him, nearly hip-to-hip, and slipped her arm through his.

Noting his expression, she explained, “I did say ‘walk me,’ not ‘walk _with_ me.’ This is how one walks a lady.”

Ah, right. There was the catch. Still, the way she explained it so slowly and clearly, as though he were a child, managed to grate on his nerves—even if the explanation was warranted.

“I know that,” he snapped. “I just…” When he failed to come up with an excuse, Natalia gave him a tug to get him walking.

Sure enough, it was a short walk back, making the entire gesture a rather moot point in Luke’s mind. All the same he didn’t grumble or resist, even when they reached the door to the girls’ room and she didn’t immediately release him. She was warm against his side, he’d noticed, but pleasantly so.

“Thank you, Luke,” she said in a low voice. They were alone in the hallway, the rest of the inn dead silent. “I appreciate your accompanying me… and talking with me, as well.” That warm smile was back as she relinquished her grip and turned to face him properly. “I hope you know that the feeling is mutual—if you ever need to talk… or if you ever want to, I am always here for you.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Her smile brightened, and then she appeared to hesitate for a moment before simply returning the nod. “Of course. Goodnight.”

He didn’t miss that pause. It touched on that weight in his chest again, convincing him that he was forgetting or at least missing something. She was still close, so it was easy to impulsively catch hold of her hand before she completely turned away. “Natalia—”

She looked up at him in a blend of surprise and expectancy as he wavered, racking his brain for those lessons he’d reluctantly learned and spitefully discarded when he was younger. What was appropriate when formally bidding someone goodnight, again? He was almost sure it involved a kiss, since it was a lady—most definitely if she was his fianceé, surely. Probably.

Natalia continued to watch him. Luke decided to throw caution to the wind, at least partially because his pride wanted to prove he remembered _something_ about etiquette and wasn’t _totally_ clueless—so without a word he leaned down and aimed a short, simple kiss at her cheek.

Except she _turned_ , for some reason, and he caught a glimpse of her puzzled expression in the second before his kiss clumsily brushed the corner of her mouth.

They both drew back in startled confusion.

“What was—what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? It—I was—just—kissing you goodnight…?”

She stared at him for several long, awkward beats. For a moment he thought he’d entirely misread her before, that he’d screwed up big time because of _course_ she wouldn’t want that gesture from him, would she, he wasn’t—

“My hand,” she said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“The proper form would have been to kiss my _hand_ ,” she told him, in that same lecturing, patronizing tone.

The hand… _Oh._ Right. That did sound correct.

“...Oh. I… knew that,” he muttered, lacking any conviction whatsoever. He knew he was blushing this time as he glanced aside, but it was more his wounded pride than anything else. An accidental kiss with Natalia really wasn’t anything to get worked up about.

That was how he felt, at least, but the way she quietly cleared her throat and didn’t look at him suggested she thought otherwise.

“...Sorry,” he offered lamely.

She shook her head. “It’s alright. Your intentions were good.” She bit her lip, the unspoken _but_ hanging between them for a moment before she looked up at him again. “Might we try it properly this time?”

He appreciated not being bossed into it, and it was easier than trying to argue, anyway, so Luke reached for her hand—but she resisted when he tried to raise it.

“No—like before,” she said softly, still avoiding his eyes.

“...What?”

“I don’t—It wasn’t terrible, but I would prefer not to remember my first kiss as an accident,” she said quickly, lifting her chin a bit. “So… I would like to try again.”

Luke stared at her until she finally met his gaze, but hers was a solid, decided look. She meant it.

It seemed kind of dumb—her first kiss (well, his, too) was over. Kissing again wouldn’t fix it. But even as he opened his mouth to argue as much, Luke realized he knew better. Sometimes Natalia’s stubbornness was firmer than logic.

It wasn’t, as she had said before, _terribly inconvenient_ , either; and to be fair, he _had_ screwed up, so maybe he did kind of owe her this.

Holding back a sigh, he only nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure.” He knew he didn’t need to ask.

He moved more slowly this time, noticing she took a half-step forward to meet him. He hadn’t really paid attention when their mouths collided for that split-second before, too surprised at the time to notice much, but this time he was fully aware of how she felt.

He’d expected a kiss to be wet and strange and awkward—and while it was definitely new and different and he didn’t totally know what he was doing, it wasn’t really any of those things. Natalia was soft, warm, and gentler than he would have guessed. As bossy as she could be in every other way, she wasn’t so with this: she was mostly receptive, occasionally meeting his cautious, curious push with one just like it, patient and easy and even a little shy.

Those weren’t negative reactions, at least, so he must have been doing something right, or at least better than before. It felt right, he thought, since it felt… nice, good in a way he couldn’t explain or compare to anything else. He definitely didn’t mind it, and he was in no rush to end it.

He still held her hand, something he’d totally forgotten about until he felt her fingers intertwine with his. Between that and her next, firmer kiss, he was surprised when Natalia broke away a moment later. She didn’t withdraw, but ducked her head a little, hiding her face, as she caught her breath. Luke was also more winded than he realized, and was likewise silent as he waited.

For a second he feared she would want a _third_ kiss to fix the first two—feared, because he had no idea what to do differently if that was the case—but when her gentle grip eased up and she raised her head, the warm glow in her cheeks and shy smile on her lips said otherwise.

Again she cleared her throat, but when she didn’t speak for a few beats, Luke ventured cautiously, “So, was that… uh…”

Natalia crossed her arms, hugging herself in a rare display of something coy and vulnerable. “Yes,” she answered, without needing to hear the question. She stole a glimpse at him and her smile quirked demurely as she looked away again. “For what it is worth… I like seeing this side of you, as well, Luke. Thank you.”

Before he could even start to feel confused again, Natalia took her leave and shut the door behind her, leaving him alone in the dark with several questions he already knew he wouldn’t get answers to. Even so, he stayed where he was, turning over that rapid sequence of events with no better understanding of it a couple minutes later.

Well, he reasoned as he finally turned away, at least Natalia was in higher spirits than before. He’d been good for something.


End file.
